Being depressed without knowing is dangerous.
2 years ago,I remember I crashed my car 2 times in one month. My dad was crazy.The first time I crashed I remember that my first thought was : "
I hope the car is okay"
The second time : "
oh god...this time is gonna be expensive" Even though I hit my head with the glass and my neck was hurting like hell..to be honest I couldn't care less about me.
When I recovered I felt more alive (annoyingly alive) funny how we feel like that after something literally hits you. At school I didn't do my homework. At house...I don't even remember what I used to do. Just staying in bed all day sleeping was okay for me. & when my friends called me to invite me to go out I always had an excuse to decline the invitation "
oh i'm sorry I have work to do"
I stopped using makeup...I wore just oversized pijamas & most of the money I got I used to spend it on food. I looked around just with envy. "
ugh! everyone is happy nowdays"
My mom always asked me why I always was so serious...I just looked at her with a frown. I wasn't being serious I was just...dull.
So at christmas while everyone was happy and hugging each other, the only thing that was in my head was the idea of start over: "
new year is coming...maybe everything is gonna change"
With new year came a thing called hope.
I never thought about killing myself.I was just not living nor surviving. Suriving mens that even if the world is against you,you want to keep on going; but me...I was just breathing.
Weeping all night hoping the tears would wash away my worries a new year began.
& now I'm okay.
The urge of do new stuff, create projects & make plans was overwhelming.
Still is.
Is never to late to cheer up.
