Day 6 : About Life

Being depressed without knowing is dangerous.

2 years ago,I remember I crashed my car 2 times in one month. My dad was crazy.The first time I crashed I remember that my first thought was : "I hope the car is okay"
The second time : "oh god...this time is gonna be expensive" Even though I hit my head with the glass and my neck was hurting like hell..to be honest I couldn't care less about me.

When I recovered I felt more alive (annoyingly alive) funny how we feel like that after something literally hits you. At school I didn't do my homework. At house...I don't even remember what I used to do. Just staying in bed all day sleeping was okay for me. & when my friends called me to invite me to go out I always had an excuse to decline the invitation "oh i'm sorry I have work to do"

I stopped using makeup...I wore just oversized pijamas & most of the money I got I used to spend it on food. I looked around just with envy. "ugh! everyone is happy nowdays"

My mom always asked me why I always was so serious...I just looked at her with a frown. I wasn't being serious I was just...dull.

So at christmas while everyone was happy and hugging each other, the only thing that was in my head was the idea of start over: "new year is coming...maybe everything is gonna change"

With new year came a thing called hope.

I never thought about killing myself.I was just not living nor surviving. Suriving mens that even if the world is against you,you want to keep on going; but me...I was just breathing.

Weeping all night hoping the tears would wash away my worries a new year began.

& now I'm okay.
The urge of do new stuff, create projects & make plans was overwhelming.
Still is.
Is never to late to cheer up.

Just a thought...

I was watching the horizon full of houses trough the car's window, while the fresh air and the cloudy sky took their tool on me.
& I started to wonder: with so many people in one city & almost infinite people around the world...

how am I going to find you?

Day 1: Anemia strikes again!

Dear anemia:
f*ck you :)

If Zelda had a mental breakdown, I have an anemia breakdown.
I feel like hell. My hands are cold, my feet are cold, but inside I feel like I have flames burning me.
It never crossed my mind that having anemia would be something so annoying.
I feel like a 85 year old trapped inside a 22 years old body.
If I try to run or walk fast, breathing turns heavy
I'm tired all the time
I'm scared of pass out
I'm never hungry but I have to eat anyways
& if I stand up fast, my vision gets cloudy

I HATE THIS

why am I so pathetic?
but you know what anemia?
you can't bring me down!

So I'm back (unfortunately)

Hello sweethearts!
I'm back with some news.
I have to stay at home as much as I can (just to rest) but I can go out to do some stuff that doesn't requiere a lot of effort.
Why? Well turns out I have anemia (I even fainted) big show indeed.
so that actually half ruined my summer (I hate summer by the way, the sun makes my skin burn in flames, like a vampire)

Sooooooo! I've been a little nostalgic & now I spend my days reading articles online or books or book reviews or reblogging stuff on tumblr.

Watching 'Midnight in Paris' didn't help.
I got caught by the character of Zelda Sayre (F. Scott Fitgerald's wife) I was hooked.
So I made some research about her. I fell in love with her. Her paitings, her letters, her life, her...everything!

So I'm kind of posposing the project I had of making a online comic about a story I was writting. I'm focusing now on Zelda Fitzgerald.

You'll know about that later.
For now...go outside and enjoy your summertime.
see you next post!

xx
C.

About Life & Other Tragedies- Baby Blue

Lately I've been hanging out with 50 year old ladies. Not complaining.Actually I enjoy their company.What can I say? I have an old soul. The reason is that a lot of people that used to live in my neighbourhood is getting married or having babies so they make reunions to celebrate those happy moments.

Last Saturday I went to a bachelorette party. There we found a lady who invited us like 3 months ago to the wedding of her daughter. But she was just sad.

About Life & other Tragedies- Don't look back

I always carry my journal everywhere. One time my friend took it & a pic of me fell to the floor. The pic was missing the other half.In that half used to be one person who made of my life a living hell.But that's not the point.