Day 6 : About Life

Being depressed without knowing is dangerous.

2 years ago,I remember I crashed my car 2 times in one month. My dad was crazy.The first time I crashed I remember that my first thought was : "I hope the car is okay"
The second time : "oh god...this time is gonna be expensive" Even though I hit my head with the glass and my neck was hurting like hell..to be honest I couldn't care less about me.

When I recovered I felt more alive (annoyingly alive) funny how we feel like that after something literally hits you. At school I didn't do my homework. At house...I don't even remember what I used to do. Just staying in bed all day sleeping was okay for me. & when my friends called me to invite me to go out I always had an excuse to decline the invitation "oh i'm sorry I have work to do"

I stopped using makeup...I wore just oversized pijamas & most of the money I got I used to spend it on food. I looked around just with envy. "ugh! everyone is happy nowdays"

My mom always asked me why I always was so serious...I just looked at her with a frown. I wasn't being serious I was just...dull.

So at christmas while everyone was happy and hugging each other, the only thing that was in my head was the idea of start over: "new year is coming...maybe everything is gonna change"

With new year came a thing called hope.

I never thought about killing myself.I was just not living nor surviving. Suriving mens that even if the world is against you,you want to keep on going; but me...I was just breathing.

Weeping all night hoping the tears would wash away my worries a new year began.

& now I'm okay.
The urge of do new stuff, create projects & make plans was overwhelming.
Still is.
Is never to late to cheer up.

Day 2: a fever you can't sweat out

I was kind of sleeping when my mom knocked at my door.
It was 2 am.
My mom was scared and she jous touched my forehead and said: you have fever
I was like: fever?
Then she gave me a pill and a glass of water
I didn't even asked what kind of pill it was I just swallowed it
She left my bedroom door open so she could check my temperature
I fell asleep

& now I feel okay.

About Life & Other Tragedies- Baby Blue

Lately I've been hanging out with 50 year old ladies. Not complaining.Actually I enjoy their company.What can I say? I have an old soul. The reason is that a lot of people that used to live in my neighbourhood is getting married or having babies so they make reunions to celebrate those happy moments.

Last Saturday I went to a bachelorette party. There we found a lady who invited us like 3 months ago to the wedding of her daughter. But she was just sad.

About Life & other Tragedies- Plans

Long time ago I made some plans. 2012 was not the deadline.I just made plans according to other stuff. Like: "when i finish school I'm gonna do this & that"

Well this & that are not gonna be possible (cheers for that!)